Saturday, November 26, 2011

Ode To A Robin by Elvis Presley

I finally found this little poem which sounds like it's written by Gollum.
I remember reading it many years back, the year was 2001 to be exact.
Been searching for it since then but couldn't really find the word, the trend
To my delight it brings me glee to learn that it's actually by Elvis Presley.



Ode To A Robin
As I awoke this morning
When all sweet things are born
A robin perched on my windowsill
To greet the coming dawn


He sang his song so sweetly
And paused for a moment's lull
I gently raised the window
And crushed his fucking skull

- Elvis Presley, 1974


And these are my search words in google, as far as I could possibly recall.
"morning bird chirping down the window smash it's fucking skull"

Thursday, November 24, 2011

How to use tonton?

If you're a Sabahan or know some dirty word spoken by Sabahans, you'll smile every time you watch tonton promo on media prima channels (tv3, ntv7, 8tv and channel 9).


Imagine hearing people say the equivalent of uhm... vagina or vajayjay as Oprah says it, on TV without them meaning what you thought they meant... doesn't make any sense does it? But it's funny as hell.  

It's like teaching a friend to pronounce a bad word and telling him it's used in everyday polite language. Remember the little kid on youtube saying 'fuck' when he actually means truck? Yeah, something like that.

Fire Truck, yeah right.

Tonton has been embedded in Malaysian minds so firmly by media prima that some people answer the question "What is tonton"? with "It's online TV".  Guess what that 'V' stands for... 

So, do you know how to use tonton? It's so easy... Here's how.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Top 10 Worst Situation Being a Dick


10. You've got a hole in your head.
9. Your master strangles you all the time. He scratches you before bed time and first thing when he wakes up.
8. Your head is disproportionate to the rest of your body.
7. You shrink in cold water but expand and harden in cold weather.
6. You never get a haircut and curly is your only option.
5. You have no choice but to hang around with 2 nuts.
4. Your closest neighbor is an asshole.
3. Your best friend is a pussy; in some cases, an asshole)
2. Your only option to a turtle neck shirt is to have it cut
1. Every time you get excited, you throw up. If you're lucky, you won't smear yourself.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Pen NASA

Ketika NASA mula menghantar angkasawan ke angkasa lepas, mereka mendapati bahawa pen mata bebola tidak berkesan pada graviti sifar. Untuk menyelesaikan masalah ini, saintis NASA berbelanja USD12 billion untuk menguji pen yang boleh digunakan pada graviti sifar, keadaan terbalik, di dalam air, pada hampir semua permukaan dan dalam suhu beku hingga 300 darjah.

Angkasawan Rusia pula menggunakan pensel.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Open your leg

Seorang tua menaiki bot dari bandar Sibu ke Kapit membawa ayam sabungnya. Dia meletakkan ayam sabungnya di bawah tempat duduknya.  Tidak lama kemudian datang seorang pelancong wanita Eropah bertanya sama ada tempat duduk di sebelahnya ada orang.

"Anyone sitting here?"
"No. You can sit here" katanya lalu mengensot untuk memberi lebih ruang kepada wanita itu.

Memandangkan perjalanan mengambil masa yang lama kebanyakan penumpang tidur, termasuk wanita Eropah itu.

Apabila tiba di destinasi, lelaki tua ini mengejutkan wanita Eropah itu lalu berkata "Can you open your leg? I want to take my cock out"

Sedekah

Pada satu hari seorang pengemis meminta sedekah di tepi jalan. Mira yang kebetulan lalu didepan pengemis tersebut memberikan senyuman demi senyuman kepadanya. Peminta sedekah itu kehairanan lalu bertanya, "mengapa awak senyum-senyum ni? awak hina saya?"

"Oh tidak, cikgu saya bilang, senyum itu sedekah".

"Begini pun ada..." kata pengemis itu.

Potong

Sebaik mengambil tempat duduk di ruang menunggu di sebuah klinik, Nazri terpandang Sahrum sedang menangis teresak-esak. Dia segera mendekati Sahrum.
Nazri: Kenapa menangis?
Sahrum: Saya datang mau test darah!
Nazri: Ko takut ke?
Sahrum: Bukan sebab tu, kawan saya bilang, untuk test darah dorang akan potong jari untuk dapatkan darah!
Mendengar penjelasan Sahrum, Nazri pula menangis.
Sahrum: Kenapa ko  pula nangis?
Nazri: Saya datang mau test air kencing, huhu..